Fyacin's Poetry Corner

Fyacin
God

He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

Posts: 3,199

Fyacin's Poetry Corner May 11, 2009 23:34:56 GMT -5

Quote

Post by Fyacin on May 11, 2009 23:34:56 GMT -5

Wrote this mostly today, thought I'd look for some opinions on it while the muse is still fresh. I don't usually write in this style, I dislike repeating words alot, and prefer trying to make it more structured, but I kind of like the rythm to this one.

There’s a hole, Whoa. Just so you, know.
It’s in my heart.
Empty, hide me,
Oh, can you save me?
There’s a hole, oh, just so you know.
It’s in this soul
Oh, do I hate me?
Decay, why does it stay, I was free
I thought I was me.
I didn’t think I needed this?
Oh, why do I sing, it’s not real, it’s not real, I’m just…
It must not be real.
I’m just…
There’s a hole, Oh, just, so you, know.
It’s in my soul.
Oh, why do I sing? It’s not real, I’ll not break again, and it’s not real I’m just…
Crazy, not crazy, please save me, please wake me.
Crazy, not crazy, please save me, Do I hate me?
Oh, why do I sing? It’s crazy, no please don’t wake me.
Crazy, not crazy, please save me, please wake me.
Crazy, not crazy, please save me, Do you forgive me?
Crazy, not crazy, please save me, please wake me.
Crazy, not crazy, please save me, Can you help me?
I’d rather not wake up.
I’d rather stay crazy.
I’d rather sing then be empty
I’d rather pray then be empty
I’d rather wait for safety
I’d rather stay crazy and feel it.
It’s not real, but I still need it.
I’m not crazy, but I’ll keep it.
I think I will.
Crazy, not crazy, please save me, Can you forgive me?
Crazy, not crazy, please save me, please don’t leave me.
I’d rather not wake up.
I’d rather not fake it.
It’s a part of me
So I’m not empty.

Oh, there’s a hole in me but,
It’s all right; I’m just a little crazy.
It’s all here, just a little shaky.
Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out.
I’m all here, just a little shaky.
I’m all right, just a little crazy.
Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out.
You’re still here, but I’m a little shaky.
I’m all right, heh; you must be a little crazy.

*Edit
Instead of cluttering up the Art section I'm just going to post in this thread whenever I get the urge to do so, and put a link in my sig.

Last Edit: May 19, 2009 22:06:33 GMT -5 by Fyacin

1Co 1:20 Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?

thearchetype.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=artsyfartsy&thread=5946&page=1
Proud member of the Chris Anti-Fan Club.

Brent God Without a direction and chamber Posts: 6,847	Fyacin's Poetry Corner May 12, 2009 0:06:00 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Brent on May 12, 2009 0:06:00 GMT -5 Hail Satan
	I don't believe is God because there is no justification for it. There is no burden of proof when you have nothing to prove. There is no God to defend when there is no evidence of his existence.

davo Administrator,aletheianalex vinyl geek Posts: 2,978	Fyacin's Poetry Corner May 12, 2009 13:17:33 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by davo on May 12, 2009 13:17:33 GMT -5 reminds me of pink floyd's kind of structure.
	hail to England.

Shiv God I will not die at zero Posts: 4,255	Fyacin's Poetry Corner May 12, 2009 15:10:09 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Shiv on May 12, 2009 15:10:09 GMT -5 May 12, 2009 0:06:00 GMT -5 Brent said: Hail Satan Well...I...uh...the....you....um..............what?
	Dec 26, 2009 19:07:06 GMT -5 @phillip said: well i'm not saying i'm not a rapist, but...

notavailable Guest	Fyacin's Poetry Corner May 12, 2009 16:46:35 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by notavailable on May 12, 2009 16:46:35 GMT -5 May 12, 2009 13:17:33 GMT -5 davo said: reminds me of pink floyd's kind of structure.

davo Administrator,aletheianalex vinyl geek Posts: 2,978	Fyacin's Poetry Corner May 13, 2009 3:42:34 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by davo on May 13, 2009 3:42:34 GMT -5 also, i like it. nice work.
	hail to England.

Fyacin God He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord. Posts: 3,199	Fyacin's Poetry Corner May 13, 2009 8:21:39 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Fyacin on May 13, 2009 8:21:39 GMT -5 Thankyou!
	1Co 1:20 Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? thearchetype.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=artsyfartsy&thread=5946&page=1 Proud member of the Chris Anti-Fan Club.

Epsilon New Member Alabama Man! Posts: 21	Fyacin's Poetry Corner May 13, 2009 8:44:27 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Epsilon on May 13, 2009 8:44:27 GMT -5 You should have been born 30 years ago. Pink Floyd, yeah. I hope you can compose some progressive ambient jazz melodic opera rock. Or just something close to Pink Floyd.
	If God is fire, then fire is love. If Hell is fire, then God hates none. (A poem I wrote while thinking of a decent signature that could demonstrate my beliefs about afterlife at the same time.)

Fyacin
God

He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

Posts: 3,199

Fyacin's Poetry Corner May 19, 2009 22:05:18 GMT -5

Quote

Post by Fyacin on May 19, 2009 22:05:18 GMT -5

Here is another one, short but sweet:

Lo, the tree stands on yonder hill
And the bird utters a lonesome trill
Will the sun rise on the morn
To burn away the fogs of scorn?
The seas rage against the cliff
Waves punctuate futile riffs
Roots do not hear the sea’s song
The path hath stood e’erlong.

1Co 1:20 Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?

thearchetype.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=artsyfartsy&thread=5946&page=1
Proud member of the Chris Anti-Fan Club.

Fyacin
God

He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

Posts: 3,199

Fyacin's Poetry Corner May 24, 2009 23:23:57 GMT -5

Quote

Post by Fyacin on May 24, 2009 23:23:57 GMT -5

Water to bone
As crystals fall
The fragmented sun
Burns at my heart

[glow=white,2,300]A breath
Or a scream
Reverberation
Waves of memory
Wracked with sorrow[/glow]

These thousand diamonds
If only they
Were traded away
to feel
A single flame
Even for a moment

[glow=white,2,300]Blood to bone
Slowing breath
The soft gasp of
Your surprise
Masks all of my
Broken lies[/glow]
BETRAYAL

[glow=white,2,300]The final shriek
Becomes silence
Ebbing away
As the justice fades[/glow]

Whisper
My regret
I feel this heartbeat
Slow
Soul to bone
Prepare my shackles
Precious in my sight,
Yet loathed…

Last Edit: May 24, 2009 23:30:10 GMT -5 by Fyacin

1Co 1:20 Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?

thearchetype.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=artsyfartsy&thread=5946&page=1
Proud member of the Chris Anti-Fan Club.

Fyacin
God

He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

Posts: 3,199

Fyacin's Poetry Corner Jun 1, 2009 19:42:30 GMT -5

Quote

Post by Fyacin on Jun 1, 2009 19:42:30 GMT -5

Wrote this one today. Don't judge it by the first stanza, I am trying to re-write that part. Suggestions are welcome.

Wind

I am the wind
Tracing a line in loose sand
Sweeping a fallen blossom away

I bring the rain
Driven before my power
Breaking waters of the sky

Sometimes I pause and I
Wonder where I began
But in stillness I
Find no peace.

Don’t you ever
Cry for me
I’ll just wipe the tears away
Don’t you ever
Say you love me
You know I cannot stay

I am the wind
Lifting the bird to flight
Carrying a breath of life

I bring tidings
Sweet whispered nothings
Murmured in your ear

Sometimes I pause and I
Wonder when it began
But in stillness I
Find I am afraid

Don’t you ever
Cry for me
I’ll just wipe the tears away
Don’t you ever
Say you love me
You know I cannot stay

1Co 1:20 Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?

thearchetype.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=artsyfartsy&thread=5946&page=1
Proud member of the Chris Anti-Fan Club.

Metzuda Senior Member Servant of the Most High Posts: 350	Fyacin's Poetry Corner Jun 12, 2009 5:01:18 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Metzuda on Jun 12, 2009 5:01:18 GMT -5 To me, the first stanza is fine (or did you already fix it?). It fits with the rest quite well.

Fyacin God He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord. Posts: 3,199	Fyacin's Poetry Corner Jun 12, 2009 8:47:25 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Fyacin on Jun 12, 2009 8:47:25 GMT -5 Nope that's the original, I've changed it a bi tsince this version, I'll post it later today. Thankyou though.
	1Co 1:20 Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? thearchetype.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=artsyfartsy&thread=5946&page=1 Proud member of the Chris Anti-Fan Club.

Fyacin
God

He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

Posts: 3,199

Fyacin's Poetry Corner Jun 12, 2009 9:20:08 GMT -5

Quote

Post by Fyacin on Jun 12, 2009 9:20:08 GMT -5

Here's the updated version, but I think I made it too complicated.
Wind

I am the wind
Tracing a line in loose sand
Sweeping a fallen blossom away

I bring the rain
Driven before my power
Breaking waters of the sky

Sometimes I pause and I
Wonder where I began
But in stillness I…

Don’t you ever
Cry for me
I’ll just wipe the tears away
Once before you
Said you loved me
But, my dear
I can’t stay here

I am the wind
I danced for your delight
Whirling here and there

I brought tidings
Sweet whispered nothings
Murmured in your ear

Sometimes I pause and I
Wonder when it began
But in stillness I
Find I am afraid

Don’t you now
Cry for me
When I can’t wipe the tears away
Don’t you now
Say you love me
Oh my beautiful dove
If you miss me
It will kill me.

I am the wind
I am your sweet memory
I can be nothing more

If you are the wind, then you have brought me only unrest.
If you bring the rain, then you have brought me these tears.
You say you are my sweet memory, yet I will strive to forget you
You say you can be nothing more, but I have known you far too well.

You say I love you
Alas, I may have once
But if this is love
I will never feel it again.

If you danced for me, then it is only because it was your nature
If you whispered to me, then it was only your sweet poison.
You say you can wipe the tears away, but you can do nothing to heal the pain you created.
You say you cannot stay, but you are nothing more than a coward.

You say I love you
Alas, I may have once
But if this is love
I would never feel it again.

My dear
You are death
An assassin with deceiving breath
Alas were it any other blade then this
A maiden’s love gone forever amiss
A wound of iron, silver or steel
Compared to this, I would not feel
But your words have left me still
Slain me, surer then any blade will

If dear to you I am, then perhaps you will return.
But if I am death, I am glad of it.
For I have killed a snake
Gilded tongue or no
You will feel no wound? Now there is a truth
For while I yet retain my heart
You must have no such thing.

Now I wish
That I was heartless
Unfeeling, able to live on
Laughing and moving on
Now I wish
That I am all you think I am
That these
Whispers of me
Rumors of me
Were all true

But they are not.
Oh, I am not
You must see this anguish
You must know
This is why I must go.

Last Edit: Jun 12, 2009 9:21:01 GMT -5 by Fyacin

1Co 1:20 Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?

thearchetype.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=artsyfartsy&thread=5946&page=1
Proud member of the Chris Anti-Fan Club.

Metzuda Senior Member Servant of the Most High Posts: 350	Fyacin's Poetry Corner Jun 13, 2009 20:29:18 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Metzuda on Jun 13, 2009 20:29:18 GMT -5 The latter half could be a completely different part of a themed work, kind of like BTA's Dichotomy... different songs all along the same theme, telling a continuous story.

Post by Fyacin on May 11, 2009 23:34:56 GMT -5

Post by Brent on May 12, 2009 0:06:00 GMT -5

Post by davo on May 12, 2009 13:17:33 GMT -5

Post by Shiv on May 12, 2009 15:10:09 GMT -5

Post by notavailable on May 12, 2009 16:46:35 GMT -5

Post by davo on May 13, 2009 3:42:34 GMT -5

Post by Fyacin on May 13, 2009 8:21:39 GMT -5

Post by Epsilon on May 13, 2009 8:44:27 GMT -5

Post by Fyacin on May 19, 2009 22:05:18 GMT -5

Post by Fyacin on May 24, 2009 23:23:57 GMT -5

Post by Fyacin on Jun 1, 2009 19:42:30 GMT -5

Post by Metzuda on Jun 12, 2009 5:01:18 GMT -5

Post by Fyacin on Jun 12, 2009 8:47:25 GMT -5

Post by Fyacin on Jun 12, 2009 9:20:08 GMT -5

Post by Metzuda on Jun 13, 2009 20:29:18 GMT -5