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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: LOL
Stranger: I LIKE GLUE
You: ROTFL!
Stranger: I LIKE IT ALOT
You: ME TOO!!!
You: I LIKE TO PASTE THINGS ON PAPER!
Stranger: HUHUH YEAH
Stranger: S'FUN
You: 'TIS!
Stranger: YOU KNOW WHAT I REALLY LIKE
You: WHAT
Stranger: Having a nice nibble of crumpet while enjoying the sunday post.
You: Aye, I believe that's a jolly idea, wot wot
You: with a bit of lemon and a cup of tea
You: Hits the spot on a sunday evening
Stranger: Every week, away from those vile women we call our, wifes. Hoho.
You: Aye those vile women. Violating my smoking space.
You: Telling me not to smoke my pipe in the study.
You: Jolly good, I'd like to smack her across the bloody jaw with the back of my manly hand.
Stranger: The blasted woman once hid my 1912 tobacco pipe. I had her jaw broken for it.
You: Oh dear, old boy. I would have done the same. No blame to you at all old chap.
You: Let me adjust my specs a bit
You: there we are
Stranger: Have you received the new monocle you ordered?
You: I dare say it came in a fortnight ago and I can't exactly get the blasted thing to fit right.
You: I believe my eye socket to be on a bit of the teensy weensy side.
You: The round thing is just a wee bit too big for the hole. And that, my dear sir, is what she said.
Stranger: Ah yes, mine came via the trolley today, I have to say it's divine.
You: Oh, indeed it is.
Stranger: Then have her head for it!
You: The trolly, I mean.
Stranger: No women will say such filth in my household!
You: Oh, nothing for it. Nothing for it. Couldn't agree more. Down with the flithy wretch and into the gutter.
Stranger: Such profane sexual suggestion!
Stranger: Hath not a wench proper manners?
You: Dreadful. Simply dreadful. I had her fired you know...the maid who answered the door for you last wednesday.
You: Not that one, no.
You: Couldn't even prepare a good cup of tea, to tell you the truth.
Stranger: Absolutely ridiculous
Stranger: Good help at this day, such a hassle.
You: Now I'm at a loss for a housekeeper, however.
Stranger: I once had a negro to do some housework.
You: Any good?
Stranger: Everything was fine, but the laundry I'm afraid came out darker than usual.
You: Dreadful.
You: How was the tea?
Stranger: The tea was black.
You: I would've expected as much.
Stranger: Wouldn't be a problem except the sugar was brown.
Stranger: And the milk was chocolate.
You: Black tea with brown sugar and chocolate cake... a disgusting mix, I must say. Wot wot.
Stranger: In the butt dear old chap.
Stranger: Which is why I imported a Mexican fellow named Paco to do the housekeeping.
You: Ah, Old Paco. How's the old rascal getting along?
Stranger: He's getting along all right, that's for true.
Stranger: The gentleman smells as if he had been sleeping with a donkey, however.
You: Do you have a donkey on your estate?
Stranger: Well, my wife.
Stranger: BY GUM IF I MAY SUGGEST THAT PACO HAS BEEN SURFING AND TURFING MY WIFE/
You: Ah, the old heffer!
You: His smell ratted the bugger out, did it not? Capital!
You: You have the makings of a Holmes, my good man.
You: Capital! Simply capital.
Stranger: I shall see to it that I have his behind as a roast this eve.
You: What of the woman? Tar and feathered, eh?
Stranger: Ah, brilliant idea.
Stranger: I was merely suggesting the behind of the mexican man, but my wife will do as well.
You: Oh yes. Indeed. After all, she took your pipe.
Stranger: Still haven't managed to find the pipe.
Stranger: With any luck it'll be in her anal cavity. Two birds one stone am I right dear Cedric?
You: Oh indeed my good man! Indeed!
You: But of course
You: You'll be out of a housekeeper like myself.
Stranger: Ah, such problems will always be present.
Stranger: Perhaps I try my luck at another
You: Ah yes, we must always try.
You: I say
You: cheerio old chap!
You: Been a splended conversation if I do say so.
Stranger: Splendid indeed!
Stranger: Hope to see you using the trolley on the morrow.
You: Indeed, see you then. I raise my glass to you and wish you well with your tar, feathers and roastings.
Stranger: I will prepare a toast to you, you jolly old chestnut, Cedric!
You: Farewell Lewis! I'll drink a round in your honor at the pub tomorrow for sure, wot wot!
You have disconnected.