Open Vein

I enjoyed it.

Very good work.

I always write my best work after at least a month of stagnation. This one was a long time coming too.

I'll just say this, I LOVE it when you analyze my work. Its good to see that I'm not the only person who dissects writing.

However, you did miss the mark. BUT, you only missed the mark because of an initial turnoff. While the first work you interpreted is much more storylike (with a time place and "plot" to discover), this one is not. It is not a story. The description you took to be hidden facts of the storyline are actually just metaphors.

What you did get right is that it is a poem about a lost love, in fact, a lost love in my own personal life. I am also a darkly depressed young man who quite honestly always feels about his wit's end.

Because I don't have to work until late tomorrow, I shall explain it stanza by stanza, for your reading enjoyment.

"Its raining so hard, dear
Teardrops from your eyes
Splatter onto my cheeks
You can't hold back now
(You can't hold back anymore)"

This very simply has to do with a personal fact about the individual i'm speaking of, do to events in her childhood, she found it very hard to cry about anything that a normal person would cry about. As a matter of fact, she cried once in front of me, and it was the hardest she had cried since she was 6. This stanza is basically about that moment.

"Like in the summer when we
We traveled down the road
I saw you in the fall
On your own, by yourself
(Bloody footprints you left behind)"

Our relationship was over the course of a summer (yes, a wee bit short for a poem, but you can't know EVERYTHING about what happened, now can you?), and ended promptly in the fall. The line "bloody footprints you left behind" refers to the internal pain she still held from many moments in her past that continued to leave a mark on her life wherever she went.

"Everything changed colors
Everything fell away
But I saw in black and white
And it was mostly black
(Black as ice unbeknown)"

More description of the general "post-relationship" depression that ensued. Everything changed colors = fall, saw in black and white = skewed vision of relationship, and it was mostly black = depression, black as ice unbeknown = black as black ice essentially.

"Inside you burst open at every seam
Walls fall, foundations crack
And the oceans crash upon your head
But you're already dead, my love
(Already dead! And for so long)"

The first three lines in this stanza refer to the girl's inner thoughts and mental instability, while she seemed to the untrained eye to seem happy and fine she was really not even f**king close. the last two lines are a rephrasing of something she said often to me, that i turn say back to her as if it were true in the poem.

"I found composure in a bed of thorns
I feel right at home
But you won't sleep there
No, you won't sleep there with me
(You find no comfort in where you've been)"

I found composure in a bed of thorns/I feel right at home is a reference to my ability over the years to become somewhat comfortable with my own flaws and issues that I have with myself, etc. The rest refers to the poem's subject not being able to find the same comfort in her own natural "flaws" and embrace themselves, but instead choosing to beat herself up for them continuously.

"The nights drag on as I curse your memory
Aching begins when I think
How the needle sets you free
It sets you free indeed
(This is my greatest fear)"

This last stanza speaks of my inability to sleep during the time immediately after our relationship ended. Her narcotics addiction was the main reason behind this.

"This scar upon my neck
So deep and dreadfully red
It takes the pain for you instead

This open vein it courses
My own dwindling life forces
I'd see my death so you could live"

The "chorus", and/or only repeated portion of this poem, is NOT about jesus, and NOT about suicide (per se). It basically culminated how I felt about this girl, and how I desperately desired to take away from her all the pain and anxiety and self-hatred that she dealt with.

In conclusion, YES, this is in essence a s**tty teenage angst poem. While I am a far better writer than most people who write about this subject matter, it is still basically a song about a girl. I do not feel this poorly about the actual person, or my actual feelings for them, but I can't expect anyone else to really get it like I do, in the sense of actually taking it seriously based on the subject matter and not based upon my ability to mask the subject matter.

ALSO, this IS becoming a song at some point. Melodies and various other musical elements are forming for this particular set of words. At the point at which the musical addition is complete, I shall post it for your listening enjoyment.

LASTLY, future readers beware of how you criticize it. I am always open for improvement, and your comments are more than welcome, but comment on my writing, NOT on the reason for the writing, and ABSOLUTELY NOT the subject of the writing. This is not a "respect your boundaries" issue, its a "I will f**king kill you and all of your pets and quite possibly burn your Pokemon collection" issue. Be careful.

Other than that, thanks for readin errybody!

Oh s**t, missed that one.

Will edit original post.

Simple as it may be (compared to my previous post), I must say that I have always been very highly impressed by your work, and I continue to look forward to the next piece you have in store.