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Post by Josh on Nov 27, 2009 21:07:12 GMT -5
I had an idea and I quickly wrote this, its not the greatest.
Tell me what you think.
GATHER THE FLOCK
They walk among the barren pastures
Gathering a starving flock
Feeding them a heretical truth
Defiant wrath courses through their veins
The Kingdom of traditional upbringing shall fall.
Neglect your dreams
Embrace the wisdom
Of this godless machine.
We created the perfect organism
It shall be the Savoir of all things
Mechanical anomalies are too be revealed
Through the eyes of the chosen
The celestial veil tore as the angels cried their last tear.
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Post by Jacob on Nov 27, 2009 21:32:39 GMT -5
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Post by Josh on Nov 27, 2009 21:36:43 GMT -5
:/
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Post by Jacob on Nov 27, 2009 21:40:10 GMT -5
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Post by Josh on Nov 27, 2009 21:57:42 GMT -5
=.=
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Post by feverstone on Nov 28, 2009 2:53:29 GMT -5
Aside from no apparent structure, the wording and theme is awesome. Almost BTA-esque you might say.
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Post by Josh on Nov 28, 2009 11:01:30 GMT -5
I kinda had music in the back of my mind to go along to this, but yeah I really didnt have any thought of structure when I wrote this.
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Post by feverstone on Nov 28, 2009 12:01:17 GMT -5
Well, if it's supposed to be a song—structure isn't a huge deal in most cases.
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Post by Josh on Nov 28, 2009 12:58:16 GMT -5
Yeah, its more of a song than anything else.
Also Im thinking of changing the last stanza/verse abit
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Post by thepopeoffun on Nov 28, 2009 17:35:26 GMT -5
mba-a-a-a-a-a
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Post by Josh on Nov 28, 2009 21:38:54 GMT -5
Made it longer, and better imo.
They walk among the barren pastures
Gathering a starving flock
Feeding them a heretical truth
Defiant wrath courses through their veins
The Kingdom of traditional upbringing shall fall.
Neglect your dreams
Embrace the wisdom
Of a godless machine.
We created the perfect organism
It shall be the Savoir of all things
Mechanical anomalies are too be revealed
Through the eyes of the chosen
The uprising of mass worship shall begin.
Neglect your god
Embrace the Savoir
Of a faithless nation.
A ghost of history
Lingers throughout this world
Making us blind
To the truth of this prophecy.
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Post by feverstone on Nov 29, 2009 13:37:40 GMT -5
Maybe add one more line to the last verse... to fulfill the 5, 3, 5, 3 you have going on?
In any case, I still like it.
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Post by Josh on Nov 29, 2009 17:08:55 GMT -5
Hmmm I was thinking it will be different than all the rest, perhaps like a clean sung part, with some beautiful haunting melody.
I dunno, maybe I will add another line.
And thanks.
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Post by phillip on Nov 29, 2009 18:55:06 GMT -5
Mechanical anomalies are to be revealed.
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Post by Josh on Nov 29, 2009 18:58:55 GMT -5
Thank you.
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