gwoz
New Member
Posts: 22
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Post by gwoz on Jul 6, 2006 20:59:15 GMT -5
i don't write poems very often so this is probably going to suck but all well i'll give it a shot. Plz rate it and tell me where i went wrong and so on, thanks in advance for your help!
The Last thought
Oh trumpet play, for my bones grow weary as the sky grows old and gray. my mortal flesh has failed, giving way to the virus the infection from the needle impaled. It has corsed my vains but it has no real grasp, Though the mortal can't contain Its decaying graspshall nvr last. Hastely looking to the east Mortal eyes can't behold the sight, Yet summer I feel the cool of winter breeze Though half heavenly gaze I see Jesus in the light. the frame of flesh gladly fading while partially still in mortals body, true happiness to the Lords summoning while gazing on the son I whisper, I am ready
wow, lol as you can tell i don't do poems much but maybe with your criticing i can do a better job. Thanks again for all the helpful tips.
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Post by metalkeyboards on Jul 6, 2006 23:33:39 GMT -5
Sweet stuff. Keep writing man.
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Post by phillip on Jul 7, 2006 0:09:22 GMT -5
I usually dislike poems that rhyme, but yours is awesome.
I didn't like the beginning because I don't like trumpets. jk... about not liking the beginning, but not what I said about trumpets ;D
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Post by Solid on Jul 11, 2006 15:42:57 GMT -5
Keep them pencils writin'.
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Post by Heretic on Jul 18, 2006 7:12:01 GMT -5
Good work, lad (or lass).
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Post by Koigokoro on Oct 4, 2006 21:16:09 GMT -5
That is sweet stuff right there.... keep it up! ;D
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