Post by Muffy on Apr 29, 2010 4:21:39 GMT -5
Kind of inexperienced writing here, but what do you think of this primarily descriptive short story?
Along the beach there was no sign of life, no sound except the hollow breeze. The incoming waves were broken up by a line of natural offshore rocks, which were clearly visible at low tide. Low storm clouds hung over what appeared to be distant islands. A line of grayed trees lined the coarse sanded beach. The plant life was extremely dense, but barely alive. The wood and bark of the trees looked old and most were rotted or rotting. There were no sounds of animals, insects, or any other living creatures. The mess of undergrowth in some areas was prickly, tangled, and browned.
There was only one pool of dark water that reeked and tasted of staleness. We did not dare drink of the water for fear that it was poisoned. Deeper near the center of the high island, the region was a wasteland, bare of any life, and silence reigned over the area. It felt as if something had once lived here but left long ago. The whole island was like an empty soul that had lost its only true love.
I did not know that this earth had covered pitfalls that led into the heart of the island, until every last person of the group except me disappeared. One by one they wandered off, broken-spirited and somehow fell into the dark cavernous interior of the island. We searched the area after the first person disappeared, but it only caused even more of us to fall. Slowly, without a hope of returning to normal life outside of this island, they all gave up and threw themselves into the pits. Finally I also gave in and took the plunge. My senses immediately were alert with the coldness of the dead air; everything was pitch black. Then I hit the freezing water. The sound of bubbles rushed past my ears as I swallowed water. The last thing I heard was the sound of my own underwater screams.
Along the beach there was no sign of life, no sound except the hollow breeze. The incoming waves were broken up by a line of natural offshore rocks, which were clearly visible at low tide. Low storm clouds hung over what appeared to be distant islands. A line of grayed trees lined the coarse sanded beach. The plant life was extremely dense, but barely alive. The wood and bark of the trees looked old and most were rotted or rotting. There were no sounds of animals, insects, or any other living creatures. The mess of undergrowth in some areas was prickly, tangled, and browned.
There was only one pool of dark water that reeked and tasted of staleness. We did not dare drink of the water for fear that it was poisoned. Deeper near the center of the high island, the region was a wasteland, bare of any life, and silence reigned over the area. It felt as if something had once lived here but left long ago. The whole island was like an empty soul that had lost its only true love.
I did not know that this earth had covered pitfalls that led into the heart of the island, until every last person of the group except me disappeared. One by one they wandered off, broken-spirited and somehow fell into the dark cavernous interior of the island. We searched the area after the first person disappeared, but it only caused even more of us to fall. Slowly, without a hope of returning to normal life outside of this island, they all gave up and threw themselves into the pits. Finally I also gave in and took the plunge. My senses immediately were alert with the coldness of the dead air; everything was pitch black. Then I hit the freezing water. The sound of bubbles rushed past my ears as I swallowed water. The last thing I heard was the sound of my own underwater screams.
